I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
