My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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