You just made me feel so damn special
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
