if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
