I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize