Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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