Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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