thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
