Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
