I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
