I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
