did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
