alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
