At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
