I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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