how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
