Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
