somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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