I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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