He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize