I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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