i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
