They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
