God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
