I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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