Please don't use social media to get back at me.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
