He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
