maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize