im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize