he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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