Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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