we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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