he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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