Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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