I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
