Did you just see the Batmobile???
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
