Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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