somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Did I show you my penis last night?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
3pm strippers are depressing
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
