If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
