So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
