pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You need Xanax blowdarts
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
