You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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