i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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