i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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