if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
