He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
