If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
