dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
