There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize