WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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