I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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