I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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