smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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