the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
