Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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