The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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