Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
