Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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