Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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