I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
