Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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