The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
