I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I understand Curling. That high.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize