Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
