How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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