Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
